- The Isiah Thomas GM Challenge
As I wait for the inevitable Cavs-Lakers NBA Finals, my mind wanders to a fun little exercise in futility. I call it: The Isiah Thomas GM Challenge sponsored by AIG. It’s my attempt to put together the worst starting five for the highest combined salaries. Here are the rules:
“Using upcoming NBA salaries for the 2009-2010 season (available at HoopsHype), try to field the worst possible starting lineup of players whose total salary exceeds $50,00,000 for the season.”
So, after scouring the dark ugly corners of every NBA roster, here’s my squad:
CENTER: Erick Dampier, Dallas (2009-2010 salary: $10,112,500)
I considered the seldom used Mark Blount, Dan Gadzuric, or DeSagana Diop in this spot, but in the end Erick Dampier’s bloated $10M+ salary was too rich to pass up. Dampier’s one good season in Golden State seems so far in the past that I feel like he may have actually been teammates with “Run-TMC.” In five seasons with Dallas, Dampier has averaged fewer than 7 points-per-game and only slightly more than 7.5 rebounds-per-game. Adding insult to injury, his numbers have steadily decreased across the board, making him a prime candidate for an awful output in 2009-2010 and well worth a roster spot on my “All Over-Priced Team.”
POWER FORWARD: Ben Wallace, Cleveland (2009-2010 salary: $14,000,000)
It pains me to see this once mighty warrior subjected to humiliating lists like these, but Big Ben will be making $14M next season, so my sympathies only reach so far. This past season, Wallace averaged 2.9 PPG and a pedestrian 6.5 RPG. Jason Kidd averaged only a few tenths of a rebound less, and he’s a point guard. You know things aren’t looking good when the best part of Ben’s game is his 41.8% free-throw shooting.
And if necessary, he can always slide up to center and let Brian Cardinal (on the books for $6,750,000 in case you were curious) in off the bench.
SMALL FORWARD: Darius Miles, Portland (2009-2010 salary: $9,000,000)
Part of me feels like putting Miles on my squad is cheating since he’s presumably out of the league with unrecoverable knee injuries. And with Jerome James making $6.6M for less than nine minutes of work, I’m tempted to leave Miles be. But as long as Portland has to pay his gimp salary next season, he’s fair game. For his career, Miles averaged 10.1 PPG, 4.9 RPG, and had more turnovers than assists. To be honest, I’d be picking him even if he was completely healthy.
SHOOTING GUARD: Bobby Simmons, New Jersey (2009-2010 salary: $10,560,000)
Bobby Simmons does my team a solid and slides into the 2-spot instead of his natural position at small forward. Simmons showed so much promise as NBA Most Improved Player with the Clippers; I think he may need to return that trophy. Since that season, Simmons has averaged fewer than 10PPG, 4RPG, and 1.5APG. More than a million dollars per point seems steep to me.
POINT GUARD: Marko Jaric, Memphis (2009-2010 salary: $7,100,000)
I must admit, Marko Jaric has mad game off the court. I am extremely jealous of Marko for stealing Adriana Lima from us all, so his addition to my “All Over-Priced Team” is as much out of spite as it is for his lack of production. This season, Jaric averaged barely more than 11 minute per game, and doing fairly little (2.6PPG/1.4APG/1.2RPG). It’s totally surprising that his name never came up during the Mike Conley/Kyle Lowry debates.
TOTAL COMBINED SALARY: $50,772,500
TEAM OUTLOOK: My team is quarterbacked by a slow point guard who plays better without the ball. My 2-guard is clumsy off the dribble, and my small forward is both an underachiever and injury-prone. My frontcourt consists of a guy who basically retired but forgot to get off the court and a big man from Big D who’s living off the fruits of a strong contract year performance five years ago. With one of the highest combined salaries of any starting five in the league, I fully expect this team would vie for the worst in the league.
What starting five did you come up with?
Extra Credit Assignment:
“What’s the highest combined five player salary that you can plausibly piece together, while maintaining an argument that the team would be unable to reach the playoffs as an eight-seed in the Eastern Conference?”